doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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