i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
