Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
