By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize