one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
