Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
