Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
