I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
