Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
