I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
