i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
