I cockslap morals
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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