I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
