morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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