hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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