Sponge bath it is.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
