At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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