Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
