I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
