Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
