Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
