new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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