just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
