Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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