The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
