I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize