I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Mom said you looked used
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
