M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
