i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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