just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
