woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
