his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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