yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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