just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
