I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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