What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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