I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
