the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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