I want to stick my p in your. b.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
