eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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