2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
