My girlfriend figured out who you are.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
