So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
