Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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