Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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