i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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