So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
