you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
