Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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