we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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