It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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