i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we're making bets on your personal life
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
