Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
