Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
