he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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