i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
