When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
