I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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