Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
