I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
