That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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