Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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