There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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