a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
