using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So much Jack, so little girl.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
