I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am naked and annoyed.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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