so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
