I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
