It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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