Ambien. No doubt about it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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