the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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