She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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