I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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