I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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