I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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