Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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