It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
